A guide for foreigners to fall in love with a Japanese man: A complete explanation of everything from dating to marriage

Update date: 2023/11/16

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Romance in Japan is shaped by its unique customs and traditional values, and I think it's a field full of new discoveries and learning for foreigners living in Japan. Understanding this diverse and complex cultural background is essential to building successful intercultural relationships.

This article focuses on Japan's unique dating styles and views on love, and explores how to accept and adapt to cultural differences. We'll also share our cross-cultural dating experiences and techniques for success. Please refer to this article as a first step to enjoying and fulfilling your dating and love life in Japan.

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<Date edition>

Japanese dating culture is influenced by traditional values and customs, and some aspects are particularly difficult for foreigners to understand. It is important to understand and adapt to Japan's unique dating culture. Here, we will explain about dating before becoming lovers.

★Learn about “dating culture” in the video!

Characteristics of Japanese dating culture

Japanese dating culture is a little difficult for foreigners to understand and requires time and experience. Dating in Japan has its own etiquette, rules, and traditions.

When a man and a woman who are not yet lovers go on a date, they are at the stage of getting to know each other better, so they talk about many topics to learn about each other's interests and values. They tend to refrain from excessive physical contact or expressions of affection, and they often act cautiously. For dates, casual and relaxing places like cafes, restaurants, and movie theaters are preferred.

Also, especially among the younger generation, group dates with multiple couples or friends are also popular.

Cultural differences when dating

In many countries overseas, there is a culture of exchanging kisses and hugs in the early stages of a date before becoming lovers, but in Japan, even holding hands is meaningful, and kisses and hugs are very private. It is often said that Based on the concept of "pure love," they tend to prefer a lasting relationship based on emotional connections and sincere feelings, rather than material things or temporary feelings.

Also, through the act of ``confession'' (kokuhaku), it is confirmed whether the relationship will officially become lovers. Confession is where one person formally conveys their feelings to the other, and if this confession is accepted, the relationship as a couple officially begins.

When going on a date, it is expected in Japanese love culture to respect these deep values and culture, and to value the other person's feelings.

International students’ dating experience in Japan

While staying in Japan as an international student, dating a Japanese person can be an extremely valuable experience. This is a great opportunity to deeply understand and experience first-hand Japanese culture and customs. However, this also comes with the challenges of language and cultural differences. Understanding and respecting cultural backgrounds and customs is very important to successfully dating a Japanese person, but the language barrier can be a big challenge.

[Dating experience with American Sam and Japanese Yuki]

As an example, let me introduce the experience of Sam, an international student from the United States.

Sam was on a year-long exchange program at a Japanese university. He was studying Japanese, but he wasn't able to speak it fluently yet. One day, Sam had a chance to study with his Japanese female classmate, Yuki, and the two hit it off right away.
A few weeks later, Sam asked Yuki out on a date. Yuki agreed, but her reaction was more subdued than Sam had expected. For their date, Sam chose a Western-style restaurant, but Yuki preferred a traditional Japanese izakaya. While eating at a restaurant, Sam tried to communicate in a straightforward American style, but Yuki seemed hesitant to express her opinion.
Sam learned some important lessons from this experience. First, when choosing a date location, it is important to respect the other person's preferences and check them in advance. Second, I realized that when it comes to communication styles, Japanese people usually prefer indirect expression over direct expression, so I need to choose my words and attitude carefully.

How Japanese people communicate

Japanese people generally have a reserved personality and are characterized by the fact that they rarely express their emotions and opinions directly. For this reason, it is necessary to accurately read the other person's emotions and intentions, and to respond appropriately. This requires not only Japanese language ability, but also the ability to read nonverbal communication unique to Japanese people, such as gestures and facial expressions.

Japan:There is a lot of indirect communication, and people rarely express their feelings and intentions directly, so there is a strong culture of sensing the feelings of others.
foreign country:In Western countries, cultures are particularly strong in expressing feelings and opinions, and direct communication is common.

For example, Japanese people often do not express their feelings openly, so it can be difficult to decipher what they are feeling at times. Furthermore, Japanese people often express their opinions in a gentle and roundabout way, rather than directly saying, "That's what I think!" This may be difficult for foreigners, as it requires not only listening to words, but also observing and understanding gestures and attitudes, but by learning these unique Japanese methods, you can develop even better relationships. can be built.

To avoid mutual misunderstandings, be careful about how you communicate when going on a date with a Japanese person.

Techniques you can use on a date

In order to have a successful date with a Japanese person, we will introduce some techniques you can use on a date. Taking advantage of these will increase the chances of your relationship progressing.

active listening
- Listening carefully to what the other person has to say and asking questions with interest will make your communication smoother.
  - If the person is talking about a book they recently read or a movie they saw, asking a related question can help keep the conversation flowing naturally. Possible questions include, "What part of the book moved you the most?" or "Who is your favorite character in the movie?"
Understanding nonverbal communication
- Japanese people do not express themselves directly, so it is important to carefully observe the other person's attitude and facial expressions.
  - If your partner smiles and smiles many times during the date, there's a good chance that they're enjoying the date. On the other hand, if your face is stiff or you look away, there may be something bothering you.
find common hobbies and interests
- Having fun over common topics will naturally shorten the distance between you.
  - If you can find out their hobbies and interests by checking their social media or talking to mutual friends in advance, you can incorporate them into the topic of your date. For example, if the person you're talking to likes to travel, you can liven up the conversation by asking questions like "Where was the last destination you went to?" or "Is there any country you'd like to visit?"
Respect Japanese culture and traditions
- Understanding Japanese dating culture and acting accordingly will make it easier to gain the trust of your partner.
  - When you visit a shrine or temple, which is a traditional Japanese date spot, you can make a good impression on your partner by visiting in proper manners and showing an interest in the history and background of the place.

I just want to meet Japanese people! For those who

Let's live in a share house in Japan!

Living in a share house is a great opportunity to meet Japanese people and experience Japanese culture. You can observe the daily lives of Japanese people and learn about their thoughts and actions, which can also be an opportunity to understand Japanese dating culture and the Japanese view of love.

Share House is full of valuable advice on dating a Japanese person. Intercultural love certainly has some difficult aspects, but if you can overcome those obstacles, it can lead to building very deep relationships. By respecting and deepening your understanding of Japan's unique culture and values, your date will be more enjoyable.

▼If you want to live in a share house, please refer to this article!

Japanese share house experience! 3 recommended share houses & selection guide for foreigners

Have a wonderful dating experience with a Japanese matching app!

If you want to experience dating in Japan, we recommend using a matching app!

Matchmaking apps in Japan are diverse, and many emphasize user safety and reliability. And many apps support foreign languages, making profile creation and searching very easy.

By deepening your connections with Japanese people through matching apps, you can directly experience the unique charm and values of Japan's dating and love culture. You'll also be able to learn about date spots that only locals know about and ways to enjoy romance that are unique to Japan.

If you want to enjoy meeting new people in Japan, matching apps are perfect for you. Learn more about Japanese love culture and create special memories with new encounters!

▼If you want to know about Japanese matching apps, please refer to this article!

The best exchange experience in Japan! Matching app & room sharing complete guide

<Lover Edition>

Characteristics of romantic relationships with Japanese people

Communication after a relationship develops is often indirect, and there is a culture in which people do not express their feelings and opinions in words, but instead try to gauge the other person's feelings and intentions. This is expressed as "reading the atmosphere," and if you can't sense the other person's feelings, you can't "read the mood" or "KY" (KY: Kuuki Yomenai)”. Physical contact and expressions of affection, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, and having sex, become commonplace once a couple begins their relationship.

Also, since the two of you will have more private time to spend together, you will likely enjoy more dates in more private places, such as at home or on trips. Many couples live together. Furthermore, many Japanese people cherish the day they started dating and seasonal events, and anniversaries, Christmas, Valentine's Day, White Day, etc., tend to be considered special days for lovers to spend together.

Once you've been together for a long time and are thinking about marriage, you may naturally start to talk more about marriage and your future life. Relationships with each other's families are also very important, and the intentions and values of the families can sometimes affect the couple's relationship.

Cultural differences in romantic relationships with Japanese people

Even if you are in a romantic relationship, physical contact and expressions of affection will be more reserved than in other countries. Holding hands in public is common, but kissing and hugging are often discouraged. This is because Japanese culture and society emphasize privacy and modest expression, and there is a strong tendency to be concerned about what people around you think.

Also, for many couples, expectations for marriage become a topic that cannot be avoided. Particularly in Japan, the longer someone has been together, the more likely they are to assume marriage. The background to this is that the institution of marriage is considered important in Japan's traditional values and social structure, and as a result, the pressure placed on couples by social expectations such as marriage and whether or not they have children has increased. Can't be ignored. Many people choose to act based on these traditional values and expectations.

Sex in Japanese love culture

Japan's way of thinking about sex in love is very different from other countries, and is a special one created by Japan's history and culture. Knowing these things is important for understanding dating and romantic relationships in Japan.

Overseas, in addition to kissing and hugging during the dating stage, sex is often seen as a natural step in the development of a relationship. However, in Japan, it is generally considered cautious to have sex before a relationship develops. This is because in Japanese culture and tradition, sex has been associated with marriage and long-term relationships.

Also, even after a relationship develops, they may take a cautious attitude toward sex. Although views on love are changing, especially among the younger generation, there are still many traditional values that remain deeply rooted. Having sex is often seen as a sign of the depth and bond between two people, and there is a strong sense that it is not something to be taken lightly.

Furthermore, Japanese culture and society do not often talk about sexuality openly, so sex is considered a private matter and is rarely talked about in public. That doesn't mean sex is bad.

I think that the Japanese way of thinking about sex in relationships may seem strange to foreigners. However, deepening your understanding will help you maintain a good relationship with your partner. However, there are individual differences, so it is important to respect your partner and be aware of their feelings.

★Let's learn about "love" in the video!

<Marriage edition>

The process from love to engagement in Japan

The general process for getting married in Japan is for the man to propose and proceed with the marriage. However, in modern times, cases of women proposing marriage are increasing. After that, it is common for the couple to give wedding greetings to their parents in order to receive permission to marry.

In addition, Japan has a unique engagement ceremony called Yuino, which is a place where both families formally acknowledge the marriage. In the past, it was a traditional ceremony attended by the parents of both families and the couple planning to get married, exchanging gifts and gifts, but now it is an informal ceremony where both families gather together to have a meal and deepen their friendships, with a face-to-face dinner party. It has become mainstream.

When thinking about marriage, it is important to understand the other person's values, relationship with family, and Japan's view of marriage. Marriage is not just about two people, it involves the whole family. Therefore, it is important to build good relationships with your family and deepen your understanding of marriage.

Characteristics of Japan's view of marriage

In Japanese marriages, not only the bond between the two people, but also the relationship between the two families is very important. In Japan, family relationships are valued, so marriage signifies the bond between family members and is seen as an important thing that deepens the bond. This is also a Japanese cultural thing.

Also, in Japan, there is a concept of "appropriate age" when it comes to marriage. This refers to the social expectations and pressures to get married at a certain age, and it particularly affects women. The appropriate age for marriage varies from person to person and depends on the individual's life plan, but in general, the appropriate age for marriage is often considered to be the average age of first marriage. By the way, the current average age at first marriage is 31.1 years for men and 29.7 years for women.

Additionally, once you get married, you are often expected to have children. Traditional Japanese values emphasize having descendants to continue the lineage and family, so it is common to ask newlyweds the question, "When will you have children?" In many cases, there are also expectations from parents and relatives. However, for a variety of reasons including economic reasons, career continuity, and lifestyle choices, an increasing number of couples are now choosing not to have children or delaying the timing of having children. Along with this, attitudes toward whether or not to have children and the number of children have become more diverse, and the current situation is that each family and couple is making choices based on their own values.

Cultural differences also pose a major challenge. It is difficult to understand when Japan's views on love and marriage are very different from those in your own country. Additionally, your own values may conflict with Japanese culture.

reference:Reiwa 4 Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare

Arranged marriages and marriage counseling agencies

In the past, in Japan, it was common for marriage partners to be selected through ``arranged marriage'' where they were introduced through family members or matchmakers. This is called an "arranged marriage" and can be said to be a unique form of marriage in Japan. In modern times, arranged marriages are becoming rarer as love marriages are the norm, but arranged marriages still have a certain presence.

In particular, there are services called marriage consultation offices that support single men and women who want to get married, from setting up a match to dating and getting married. If you would like to seek marriage consultation at a marriage consultation agency, please contact our marriage consultation agency, which has the highest marriage success rate in the industry. [Partner agent]is recommended.

Awareness of the division of roles between men and women

Within Japan's traditional values, awareness of the roles of men and women has been formed. In the past, the roles of men and women were clearly divided, with men generally serving as the breadwinners who supported the household finances, and women as the housewives who looked after the household. Men assumed the leadership role in society, while women often left the workplace after marriage or childbirth, taking on the role of raising children and taking care of the housework. However, as time passed, this division of roles gradually changed, and in modern Japan, households where both men and women work have become commonplace. The burden of housework and childcare has come to be shared, and the rate of men taking childcare leave is gradually increasing.

★Let's learn about "marriage" in the video!

summary

Romance in Japan is rooted in a deep historical and cultural background. By understanding this unique love culture and interacting with people with different backgrounds and values, opportunities for new discoveries and self-growth will expand. Not everyone has the same ideas, so it is important to accept it as a general trend and respect the other person's position and ideas. The secret to true love success is flexibility. By opening your heart to new cultures and values and respecting them, you will have a richer love experience.

A guide for foreigners to fall in love with a Japanese man: A complete explanation of everything from dating to marriage

<Date edition>