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【 For Foreigners 】 Japanese Culture of Love, Dating, and Marriage: Basics of Falling in Love with a Japanese Person

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Japanese love culture is rooted in unique customs and traditional values. For foreigners, it may be a series of new discoveries and learning experiences. In cross-cultural exchanges, understanding and respecting each other's background is essential for building a good relationship.

This article explores Japan's unique dating style, views on love, and marriage culture, with a focus on Japan's unique dating style, views on love, and marriage culture. It will provide an easy-to-understand explanation of cultural differences in dating and how to communicate with each other once you are in a lover's relationship. In addition, we will discuss techniques for successful cross-cultural dating and how to improve your chances of meeting Japanese people.

Please acquire the basic knowledge to enjoy your love life in Japan!

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Japanese Love Culture <Dating

Japanese dating culture is a unique and profound blend of traditional values and modern elements. For foreigners, unfamiliar customs and rules may be confusing.

However, the key to enjoying Japanese dating is to understand and respect each other's cultural background. It is important to respect the other person's feelings and build the relationship slowly.

Characteristics of Japanese Dating Culture

Dating in Japan is an important opportunity to get to know each other better. When a man and woman who are not yet lovers go on a date, they talk about many topics in order to learn about each other's interests and values, since this is the stage in which they are getting to know each other better. Excessive physical contact and expressions of affection tend to be discouraged, and they often act cautiously.

Casual and relaxing places are preferred for dates, such as cafes, restaurants, and movie theaters. Also popular, especially among the younger generation, are group play-style dates with several couples or friends.

Cultural differences in dating

In many foreign countries, there are cultures where kissing and hugging are exchanged in the early stages of dating before the couple has even become lovers. In Japan, even holding hands is deeply meaningful, and kissing and hugging are often considered to be very private. Based on the concept of "pure love," they tend to prefer that their relationship lasts on the basis of emotional connection and sincere feelings, rather than material or temporary emotions.

It also confirms whether or not the couple will officially become lovers through the act of "kokuhaku" (confession). The confession formally conveys the feelings of one party to the other, and if this confession is accepted, the relationship officially begins as a couple.

International Students' Dating Experience in Japan

During your stay in Japan as an international student, dating a Japanese person is an extremely valuable experience. It is an excellent opportunity to gain a deep understanding and first-hand experience of Japanese culture and customs. However, it also comes with the challenge of language and cultural differences. While understanding and respecting cultural backgrounds and customs is extremely important for a successful date with a Japanese person, the language barrier can be a major challenge.

How Japanese people communicate

Japanese people are generally reserved and rarely express their feelings and opinions directly. For this reason, one must be able to accurately read the emotions and intentions of others and respond appropriately to them. This requires not only Japanese language skills, but also the ability to read and understand non-verbal communication unique to the Japanese, such as gestures and facial expressions.

  • Japan:Since there is a lot of indirect communication and few direct verbalizations of feelings and intentions, the culture is very sensitive to the feelings of others.

  • Foreign Country:In Western countries, direct communication is common, especially in cultures where emotions and opinions are clearly expressed.

For example, it is sometimes difficult to decipher what kind of feelings Japanese people have because they often do not express their feelings straightforwardly. Furthermore, Japanese people often do not directly say, "I feel this way!" but often express their opinions in a gentle and distant manner.

This may be difficult for foreigners because it requires not only listening to the words but also watching and understanding gestures and attitudes, but by learning such uniquely Japanese ways, we can build even better relationships.

To avoid mutual misunderstandings, be careful how you communicate when going on a date with a Japanese person.

Techniques to use on a date

Here are some practical techniques for a successful date with a Japanese person.

  • active listening
    • Listening carefully to what they have to say and asking questions with interest will facilitate communication with them.
      • If the person is talking about a book they recently read or a movie they saw, you can continue the natural flow of the conversation by asking a related question. For example, "What part of that book moved you the most?" or "Who is your favorite character in the movie?" or "Who do you like best among the characters in the movie?

  • Understanding Nonverbal Communication
    • Since Japanese people are less direct in their expressions, it is important to carefully observe the attitude and facial expressions of others.
      • If they are smiling and their eyes are twinkling repeatedly during the date, it is likely that they are enjoying the date at that point; if they are 逆に, scrunched up or looking away, there may be something on their mind.

  • Find common hobbies and interests
    • By sharing common topics of conversation, you will naturally become closer to each other.
      • If you can find hobbies and interests by checking the other person's SNS or talking to mutual friends beforehand, you can incorporate them into the topic of the date. For example, if the other person likes to travel, you can ask, "Where was the last place you traveled to? or "Is there a country you would like to visit? or "Is there a country you would like to visit?

  • Respect Japanese culture and traditions
    • Understanding the Japanese dating culture and acting accordingly will make it easier to gain their trust.
      • When visiting shrines and temples, which are traditional Japanese dating spots, you can make a good impression on your partner by visiting in the correct manner and showing interest in the history and background of the place.

For those who want to meet Japanese people! For those who want to meet Japanese people!

Finding a place to meet people is an important issue for those who are interested in cross-cultural exchange or who wish to date Japanese people, and for such people, "share houses" are recommended.

Living in a share house provides an excellent opportunity to interact with Japanese people and experience Japanese culture. Through living together in a share house, you can observe the daily lives of Japanese people and learn about their ways of thinking and behavior patterns. You may also get valuable advice on dating and relationships from the Japanese roommates you share the house with.

▼If you are interested in a share house, please refer to the following article.

Have a great dating experience with Japanese matching apps!

If you are looking for a date with a Japanese person, using a matching app can be effective. There is a wide variety of Japanese matching apps, many of which emphasize safety and reliability. In addition, an increasing number of apps are available in foreign languages, making it easy to create a profile and find a partner.

By connecting with Japanese people through a matching app, you can experience firsthand the unique Japanese love culture and values. On a date with someone you meet on the app, you may be able to visit spots that only locals know about or learn about the unique Japanese way of enjoying a date.

For those who are looking to meet new people, matching apps are the perfect tool. Why not take advantage of the app to gain a deeper understanding of Japanese romantic culture and create wonderful memories?

▼ If you would like to learn more about Japanese matching apps, please see this article as well.

Japanese Love Culture <Lovers

Japanese lovers' relationships are based on a unique communication style and value system. When two lovers are together, they place importance on sensing each other's feelings without expressing them in words. This is expressed as "reading the air," and if you cannot understand the other person's feelings, you may be said to be "unable to read the air.

In addition, physical contact and expressions of affection such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing become natural in a lovers' relationship. They will spend more time together, date at each other's homes, and travel together.

What is a "confession" when becoming lovers in Japan?

In Japan, there is a custom of "confession" before becoming lovers. One person formally expresses his or her feelings for the other person, and if the other person accepts the feelings, the two become lovers. This "confession" occupies an important place in Japanese love culture.

▼ To learn more about the culture of confession, check out this article!

Characteristics of a Japanese lover relationship

Japanese couples tend to cherish anniversaries and events. The day a relationship begins, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and White Day are often treated as special occasions. Another characteristic is that the longer a couple stays together, the more naturally they talk about marriage and the future.

As the relationship between the lovers deepens, their relationship with each other's families becomes more important. The family's intentions and values may influence the couple's relationship.

Cultural Differences in Relationships with Japanese Lovers

Compared to other countries, such as Europe and the United States, Japanese lovers tend to be more reserved in their public displays of affection, such as kissing and hugging. This reflects the Japanese culture that values privacy and consideration for one's surroundings.

Another characteristic of Japanese dating is that many relationships are serious, with an eye toward marriage. As the relationship between lovers becomes long-term, it is common for the topic of marriage and future plans to come up naturally.

Sex in Japanese Love Culture

Japanese attitudes toward sex in relationships are unique and different from those in the West. It is generally not preferred to have sex before the lovers are in a relationship. This is due to the fact that sex has traditionally been viewed as a signifier of marriage or a long-term relationship.

Even after becoming lovers, they often take a cautious approach to sex. There is a strong sense that sex is valued as a sign of the depth of the bond between two people and should not be taken lightly.

However, it is important to remember that these are only general trends and that there are significant individual differences. The Japanese approach to sex in romantic relationships may seem strange to some non-Japanese, but the key to a healthy romantic relationship is to communicate with your partner and respect each other's values and perspectives.

Japanese Marriage Culture

Japanese marriage culture is rooted in a long history and tradition, and unique customs and values have been handed down even today. Marriage is seen as a major milestone in two people's lives, and is considered to be established in the context of family and society.

From Love to Engagement in Japan

In Japan, it is traditional for a man to propose first as the general process of marriage. In recent years, however, more and more women are proposing marriage. If the proposal is accepted, the engagement is consummated.

After the engagement, a ceremony called "yui'u" is sometimes held as an occasion for the two families to meet. In the past, the yui nao was a very formal ceremony, but nowadays, the more casual, dinner-style "meeting" is becoming the norm. At this occasion, the relatives of both families meet to seek understanding and support for the marriage.

Characteristics of the Japanese View of Marriage

In Japan, marriage is not just a matter between two people, but also a bond between two families. The family's intentions and approval have a great influence on the decision to marry. In addition to compatibility and affection, social status and economic power are also sometimes taken into consideration when choosing a marriage partner.

In addition, Japanese society has a concept of "the right age," and some people feel pressured to think about marriage once they reach a certain age. Women, in particular, are often urged by those around them to get married around the age of 30. Incidentally, the average age of first marriage in Japan today is 31.1 years for men and 29.7 years for women.

Another characteristic of Japan is that when you get married, you are expected to have children. Family members and others around you are likely to ask you about children. Recently, however, the choice of whether or not to have children has become more important to individual values and is left up to the couple.

Reference:2022 Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare

Arranged marriages and marriage counseling

In the past, "arranged marriages" were common in Japan, where a couple found a marriage partner through relatives or a matchmaker. Today, love marriages are the mainstream, but omiai marriages also remain strong.

A modern interpretation of matchmaking is the service of a marriage agency. A marriage agency is an organization that assists single men and women in the entire process of marriage, from setting up a blind date to dating and marriage.

In particular, we are proud of our No. 1 marriage rate, "【 Partner Agent 】The "MIA" has created many couples with its high quality services. The professional advisors provide attentive support.

Attitudes toward gender roles

Traditionally in Japan, there has been a strong sense of gender-based division of roles, with men working outside the home and women taking care of the home. In recent years, however, the number of dual-earner households has been increasing, and housework and childcare are now shared by both spouses.

Nevertheless, the tendency to unconsciously expect roles based on gender remains. For example, many people still consider housework and child-rearing to be women's work.

However, it is expected that Japanese society in the future will respect individual abilities and motivation regardless of gender and allow for flexible role-sharing. It is important for couples to discuss and build a mutually supportive relationship.

Useful information and support for living in Japan

Living in Japan is fascinating, but it is not uncommon to face many challenges due to language barriers and cultural differences. For example, you may encounter difficulties in all aspects of life, from using keigo (honorific expressions) in everyday and business situations, to difficulties in finding housing, using public services, preparing for the JLPT exam, and even meeting new friends and loved ones.

At such times, Goandup Salon will be your reliable partner!

Our community provides support and information to help foreign residents in Japan to make their life in Japan richer and more comfortable.

  • Japanese Language Studywill meet the needs of all levels, from daily conversation to the use of keigo in business situations, to efficient Japanese language learning methods and preparation for the JLPT exam.
  • livingaspect of the program provides concrete advice and information on how to establish a foundation for living in Japan, including explanations of Japanese culture and rules, finding housing, and how to contract public services and living infrastructure.
  • Jobs & CareersRegarding the "what if" section, we can help you find a job, change jobs, and understand Japanese business etiquette and workplace culture, which are key to a successful career in the workplace.
  • Travel & Dining Guidewill introduce you to hidden gems in Japan, must-try gourmet information, and other unique local attractions to help you experience Japan more deeply.

If you have any questions or concerns about life in Japan, Goandup Salon is here to help you! We will wholeheartedly support you to make your life in Japan smoother and more enjoyable.

For more information, click here ▼


Japanese love, dating, and marriage culture has a rich tradition based on unique customs and values. Understanding and respecting these cultural backgrounds in cross-cultural exchanges is essential to building good relationships.

We hope that this article will be a useful source of information for foreigners considering romance, dating, and marriage in Japan. By understanding Japanese culture and deepening communication with local people, you are sure to have a wonderful encounter and experience.

Please remember to be "flexible" and "respectful" in your cross-cultural interactions and enjoy your love life in Japan to the fullest. A happy future with a Japanese partner awaits you!

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